If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
