Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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