Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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