I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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