That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
