I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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