I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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