I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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