I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
