i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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