When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
