She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
