Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
