btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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