No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
