Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
