New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
