I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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