I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
