Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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