He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
