Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
