can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
