Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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