I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
