He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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