Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
