can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
