This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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