after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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