She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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