I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
