So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
