Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
