He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
