tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
