apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
