I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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