I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
