My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
