and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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