I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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