I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
