i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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