Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
