this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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