Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
