The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
