Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
