When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
