I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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