3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He has the fingertips of a God
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