ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
