Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
