If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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