Sry I called you an 8
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
