see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
