I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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