Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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