I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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