You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
