We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
