Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
