I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
