If that was your dad, he is hot
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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