guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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