I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
