Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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