I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
