had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
