Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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