some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
