It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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