So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
