Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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